Holy crap I am on the Interwebs.

Stupid exams, increasing my stress and weakening my immune system. Doesn't help that I hang around with friends who are sick. Because I know I'll get whatever cold is going around during exam time, it never fails. No point trying to avoid it, I'll just fail at it and be mad. Best to not have any "I will not get sick!" goals.
I'm going to Pedro's for loads of margaritas soon. I'm debating jabbing a big nail in my head to release the air that seems to be building up. That's really the only problem. The nasal symptoms, I live with the sniffles 24/7 anyways. So it's just the pressure in my ears thats bothering me.

This cold is also giving me crazy nightmares, though maybe that's a coincidence. I've had gory apocalyptic nightmares the last 2 nights. Awful awful ones. I don't wake up screaming or crying or anything, so at least they aren't that bad.

My best friends guinea pig just died too. Although that wasn't because of my cold. It's just sad.

Maybe that's why I'm depressed. Post exams, head full of pressure, friend's beloved dead pet. And other junk. Uggghhhhhhhhh. At least I got a new bed. It's awesome. Whooooooo!

Sweet, Joel is on the way. I'ma get me some maaaargaritas!!

So I'm studying for neuro/eye/repro pathology test I have tomorrow, and I get the sick idea to Google anencephaly, which is when an animal or kid is born without the top of their head. If you're looking to horrify yourself, go right ahead and do the same.

Honestly though, this just further confirms my belief there is no God. What the fuck is the point of that? And don't tell me "It's God's will" or that I can't comprehend His design or whatever. That's all bullshit for "We don't know and we need to say something other than we don't know". God'd will Smod's will. It's just a bunch of stuff that went wrong due to genetic or outside factors. It's not divine punishment to the parents.

Oh something else that will scare the hell out of you, if you're a girl that is, check out stone babies. This is some of the most horrifying stuff ever. If someone pulled that thing out of me, I'd have to kill myself right there with an ice pick. Dead calcified rock monster babies growing in my abdomen, fuuuuuck no.

Congenital abnormalities are so interesting. And disgusting and sad. I'll never fall asleep in class learning about those.

And if anyone wants to get all indignant with me and rage about how insensitive I am, fuck off. I'm a vet student. Not a pompous soon to be overpaid MD student. So what do you care if puppies are born without heads? They don't have "souls" anyway, right?

One reason why I tend to not write on these things much is that I usually just feel like writing when I'm mad or upset about something and need to vent. Then I end up with a bunch of bitchy or sappy blogs and neither really represents my life, and people get the wrong idea. However, I've decided to not care.

I'm starting to think that nice people do not actually exist. Everyone in the end is just going to take from you and give little in return. We all do it and we may not be aware of it unless we sit and really give it a think. Maybe people intend to be nice, but the thing people want most is to be happy. Happy while doing as little work as possible to get there. Meaning someone else has to do all the work to make you happy and during that time, while you are so blissfully happy, the person who is slaving away to enure your ongoing joy, is miserable.

I think I am a giver. People can see that in me and so people tend to take. And since I ask for little in return, I get nothing. Why? Apparently I just want fucking misery because I keep letting it happen. I'll give til theres nothing left but a pissed off sad little shell of a person left. Oh boy it sure feels good to make other people happy. I could just do this til I drop dead.

See, all I do is bitch. Blablabla poor me. Whatever, I could just smack myself.

On another note, it's fucking snowing again. Hooray for Wisconsin, land of eternal gloom and snow.

Another thing that sucks is that I have exams on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and I just had two exams on Wednesday and Friday. My vet school teachers enjoy torture. Let's see how far we can push the 2nd years before they crack! I bet they have a pool to see who starts crying in the hallways. If I was a spreader of misery I'd probably do it.

I am done with the bitching. Let the state of numbness return.